Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
