is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
