I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
