he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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