I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
