Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
