I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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