she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
