Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
