I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
