I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
