yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
