apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
