my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
