I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
