I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
