dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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