K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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