I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
