Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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