yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A+ Viking dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
