she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
