I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
