why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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