So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
