i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
