Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
