Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
