Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
