Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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