I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
