Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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