Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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