I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
