google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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