Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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