if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
