just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
