It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
