seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
