are you still at the devil's house?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
