Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i drank out of a bidet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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