how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You made out with two different species that night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
