Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
