end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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