Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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