I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
