I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
