I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
