I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I did not marry a roomba.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
