I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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