guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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