So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
